John Adams on Manners

If you've read Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James Dobson then you are familiar with this quote from John Adams, the second president of the United States. I find the truth in these words so powerful.

"From all that I had read of history of government, of human life, and manners, I [have] drawn this conclusion, that the manners of women [are] the most infallible barometer, to ascertain the degree of morality and virtue in a nation. All that I have since read and all the observation I have made in different nations, have confirmed me in this opinion. The manners of women, are the surest criterion by which to determine whether a republican government is practicable, in a nation or not. The Jews, the Greeks, the Romans, the Swiss, the Dutch, all lost their public spirit, their Republican principles and habits, and their Republican forms of government when they lost the modesty and domestic virtues of their women...

The foundations of national morality must be laid in private families. In vain are schools, academies and universities instituted if loose principles and licentious habits are impressed upon children in their earliest years. The mothers are the earliest and most important instructors of youth."

May the lasting importance of all the little things we moms do every single day weigh on us in a Godly way. Our work may go unnoticed but it is not insignificant.

Aiming for Kingdom Life

I read a moving blog post recently titled, "My Life For Yours: A Mother's Pondering About Her Body". Kelly, the author, was inspired to write the post after reading this quote from (at the time, pregnant) musician Alanis Morissette:

“I see my body as an instrument rather than an ornament.”

Motherhood is not without cost and, while I don't see this as an excuse to "let go of myself", it is very freeing. It's freeing to be okay with what my body is (and isn't). This body that I get frustrated with and would sometimes like to trade in for a thinner, more perfect version, is the same body that gave me four beautiful children.

Kelly also includes this excerpt from Loving the Little Years by author Rachel Jankovic:

“Our bodies are tools, not treasures. You should not spend your days trying to preserve your body in its eighteen-year-old form. Let it be used. By the time you die, you want to have a very dinged and dinted body. Motherhood uses your body in the way that God designed it to be used. Those are the right kind of damages…We are not to treat our bodies like museum pieces. They were not given to us to preserve, they were given to us to use. So use it cheerfully, and maintain it cheerfully. You want to fix your body up in order to be able to use it some more. We should not be trying to fix it up to put it back on the shelf out of harm’s way or to try to make ourselves look like nothing every happened. Your body is a tool. Use it.”

So I say -

Watch what you eat.......so long as you don't miss out licking the cookie dough off the beaters with your 7 year old.

Excercise....so long as you don't forget that playing chase with your preschoolers is far more beneficial.

Weigh yourself....so long as your little girl doesn't doubt her own beauty when she looks at her perfect little round belly.

Show your outward beauty....so long as your son sees your inward beauty more.

Look in the mirror....so long as you remember that your husband doesn't see those flaws when he's looking at you.

Work to be healthy and fit....so long as your aim in life remains solely on Kingdom purposes. Let Christ ignite the kingdom life within you, a fire within you, the Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out. (Matthew 3:11)

Manners and Mommyhood

Lately, I've been frustrated with our kids' behavior at mealtimes. It's nothing horrific, but certainly somewhat chaotic and lacking in the manners department. Every meal left me aggravated and feeling like a bad mom.

And then it dawned on me - we haven't taught them manners and how to act. Of course, I know "more is caught than taught", but obviously there needs to be some deliberate teaching as well.

So tonight we made a list of simple rules and after we prayed over the meal we explained that we really want to take them to some neat places to eat on our upcoming vacation to visit the grandparents, BUT our manners need some work. We went over each rule:

• Stay in your seat and sit correctly
• Only talk when food is not in your mouth
• Use a soft, polite voice
• Make every word a gift
• Say please and thank you
• Do not play with your food
• Eat your food

And then we showed them a jar of stones (purchased at Dollar Tree) and told them that each time we caught them breaking a rule we would have to take one stone out of the jar. If the stones are all gone before our trip then we won't be able to eat at the cool places we want to go.

Dinner was fun. Or maybe I should say dinner "rocked". Talking with food in their mouths seemed to be the biggest infraction of the night, but it was humorous to see them trying their best and getting a little frustrated when a sibling broke a rule.

It was such a simple thing, a "why didn't I do this a long time ago" kind of thing.

I have trouble remembering that all those moments of frustration are actually opportunities for teaching. Instead of raising my voice and shaking my fists I need to train and redirect, guide and explain.

Grumpily picking up all the toys after they've all gone to bed only teaches them to make bigger messes since they won't be cleaning up.

Yelling at my son because he got mad and yelled at his sister does no good. I've only reinforced what I'm trying to eradicate.

Consistency, gentleness, and patience. I'm working on it.......

Better is a dry morsel....

I read a thought provoking (and for me quite convicting) blog post today that I thought many of my own readers would enjoy. It is based on Proverbs 17:1 which says,

"Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than a house full of sacrifices with strife."

Although I can honestly say that I've made great strides lately, I'm still learning to put first things first. I'm learning gentleness and its great power in child raising. I'm learning to treasure my children and not punctuate perfection.

I'm remembering that those treasures will see (or not see) Jesus in me. I'm understanding that degree or no degree, a job with eternal value has been given to me.

None of the stuff matters. My family matters.

Mrs. Parunak says in her post:

"As is so often the case in the Christian life, attitude trumps accomplishment. We should aspire to do wonderful things with our lives and our homes, but we have to remember to start with hearts and relationships and continually put quietness before lavish sacrifice."

I hope you will read her post in its entirety and I hope it encourages you as it did me.....