Finding My Place

Moving away from what was home for seven years and leaving all my friends behind was no easy thing. Normally, when someone moves, they leave one place but have another place to go to. But we are living with family. We're incredibly grateful for them letting us stay here and putting up with all of us, so I hope this doesn't sound like I'm ungrateful. That's not at all what this post is about.

It's just that it feels like my life is boxed away in a storage room down the street. My friends are living their lives in good old SA, my dog is happily sleeping on my brother's bed in Austin, my beloved trees are probably gloriously red and orange and now belong to some woman named Isabelle, and here I am living day to day just trying to not pass out before bedtime. And hey, have any of you ever tried getting ready for a new baby and nesting in this situation? Seriously - Aulora is still sleeping in a playpen, most of their toys are packed away, all of our furniture is stored, and the new baby's clothes are somewhere in storage along with anything else I could possible want or need. There is no possible way to follow my nesting instincts at this point.

The church here is great, but it doesn't feel like ours yet. Everyone knows who we are but I don't know many of them. I suppose most of them assume we already have friends and don't need any since our family already went there. (John's brother is the youth pastor and his mom is their children's director). Their youth group meets on Wednesday nights and serves to remind me that we no longer have "our teenagers". Our first Wednesday night here we went in the youth service - it was really hard to keep from crying. So I went to the nursery wing with Aulora. I felt quite out of place in there as well. At the risk of sounding childish, I'll just say what it feels like at church. I don't feel "important" anymore. I'm not in charge of anything, I have no authority, and if something needs attention, it's not my place to take care of it. It's not a control thing. It's just a matter of adjusting from what was life for so long.

I know I need to look forward and not behind me, but that's so hard when what's behind you was so great.

What's ahead is going to be even better, I'm sure, but I can't see it yet. And sometimes it's hard to imagine it. But I know that's where faith comes into the picture. Faith that God isn't leading us on some wild goose chase. That's kind of what it feels like right now if I'm not careful to remember that we are following His leading.

The verse at the top of my blog has been especially meaningful to me lately:

"God's love, though, is ever and always, eternally present to all who fear him, Making everything right for them and their children." Psalm 103:17

God's going to make everything right for us and for our kids. We will have a place, in every sense of the word. We will look back and see why we were taken on this paticular path, versus an easier or shorter one. We will see the great things God has in store for us.

John's website, Faith Conversations, is getting closer to being done. It looks great and I can't wait to be able to share it. With so many things unsettled, an up and running website will be a big comfort.

I miss you, friends. I can only hope to find some new friends as wonderful as all of you!