Thursday, August 27, 2009

A Walmart Moment To Beat All Walmart Moments

I can't believe I have neglected to write about this, but it happened when I was computer-less and internet-less a few weeks ago.

I was driving down the road yesterday and had a rare moment of clarity.

I never shared THE Walmart moment!

(I'll forewarn you now that I have now pictures - boo! - but hopefully you can appreciate the story anyway.)

It was a Saturday and in an effort to kill two birds with one stone - distract the kids because my parents were leaving to go back home and buy some groceries too - we headed into Walmart. Myself, John, and all four kids.

What were we thinking??? Walmart? Saturday? Four kids?

Moving along.

Early on in the trip, we had what might be considered a foreshadowing of THE moment when I asked Aulora to put the container of blueberries in the basket for me. She obeyed happily and dropped them in. As soon as the little plastic box hit the basket it opened up and blueberries went everywhere. Of course, berries fit through the little openings of the basket so they rolled here and they rolled there. They rolled, as I said, everywhere!

So before lots of people started walking on them and squishing them (and before they could kick us out), we had all the kids on their hands and knees picking up berries.

Then we discreetly grabbed a new box of blueberries and continued shopping.

Fast forward one long hour of grueling Walmart torture later and we are checking out. I sent John ahead towards the car with the 3 big kids as I took care of bagging and paying. We were almost done when I realized the monkeys were eating a box of goldfish we hadn't yet payed for. I didn't want to walk too far away from Joshua and the basket so I told John, "Just take the bag out of the box and toss me the box."

Pause right there.

Are those difficult instructions? "Just take the bag out of the box and toss me the box." No? I didn't think so either. Hence my assumption that's what my husband would then do. This is the man that scored so high on his LSAT that he was hired to teach the prep course. This is also the man that is now in law school at Notre Dame. And he already holds 3 other degrees.

He's a smart one. I really can't emphasize that enough.

Back to the story.

He did NOT remove the bag. He did NOT close the box. And I did NOT know that he didn't do those things.

He tossed the box at me from about 15 feet away. The rest is quite a blur.

A blur of goldfish and laughter that is.

Right there, in the midst of Saturday afternoon Walmart craziness, I was assaulted by a whole box full of Pepperidge Farm goldfish. They were flying all over the place! In my hair, at my feet, in my shirt!

Time froze and I stared at my smart husband in disbelief. Everyone else stared at me in disbelief. Poor little me with a now empty box in my hands, standing in a sea of goldfish.

And then I could hear some snickers. Of course it was not at me, but with me, I'm sure.

I've had a lot of Walmart moments, but this one has to be my crowning glory. I really hope I don't top it. I really don't.

I'm good. Thanks.

(I have to say, the incident did make for easier snacking as goldfish were readily available throughout the day. That's all I'm going to say about that!)

Do you have a Walmart moment that will make me feel better? Do share!

**I'm sharing later about my new favorite grocery store! You won't believe what they have for the kids!**


  1. That was too funny! And the way you wrote it, I was right there! Thanks for having a way awful Wal-Mart expreience. I'll be a little more grateful the next time I go...

  2. That's a great story, but I have to know . . then what happened? Did you send all the kids to their knees again? What?