Monday, March 30, 2009

Oh Poop.....Literally

We went to the doctor's office again today. That's at least five times this month, maybe more. Honestly, I've lost count. One thing's for sure - I do not enjoy these trips.

The outer waiting area isn't so bad. There are other kids (who are probably carrying who knows what diseases), lots of chairs to choose from (which are no doubt covered in germs), and a big flat screen television with cartoons (no complaints here).

It's the exam rooms that are the killers - the inner chambers. They're tiny and full of things your kids aren't supposed to touch. The nurse always asks a couple of questions and then walks out, closing that door behind her and leaving me all alone with my monkeys. She promises the doctor will be right there, but can we please just stop the charade? We all know it will be a very long time.

The first five minutes are okay. We play I Spy and sing If You're Happy and You Know It.

The next five minutes are spent jiggling a baby on the knee and playing animal charades with the older ones.

The next five minutes I paced with the baby while the older two played follow the leader. (I tried to play but my body just can't jump. It hurts. I'm old.)

We calculated that there were nearly 300 dinosaurs on the wallpaper border.

We read books. We ate snacks. We washed all the snack crumbs off of our hands.

Still no doctor.

I checked the time and my emails on my phone. I pretended to not see the girls playing with the exam lights. I entertained Joshua.

Still no doctor.

And then I noticed Aulora behind the chair. She was very still and very quiet. You'd think I would have learned my lesson on one of our previous doctor visits this month.

I didn't.

I somehow had to clean up a dirty panty mess while holding a baby and hoping that the doctor would not choose that moment to walk in. The moment I was scooping a log out of my daughter's pants and cleaning her with a couple of wipes the best I could, because, being the super prepared mom I was today, there were no extra clothes or panties in the bag.

Surely the doctor won't ask me to undress her will he? And what in the world am I supposed to do with this wad of poo now? Should I just throw it in the trash can and then hope the smell isn't too bad?

Well, as it turns out, she didn't have to undress for her exam, the wad of poo went in the trash can, and hopefully the smell of my hand sanitizer covered up the smell. Probably not though.

Maybe she's not as potty trained as I thought.

Am I the only one who has these exciting doctor visit experiences? Anyone???


  1. I always enjoy reading your stories because they crack me up! You could so write a sitcom based on your life and experiences. In fact, one of my friends was saying that you can submit stories to "In the Motherhood" (that new show on ABC) and they will pay you if they use the story. Don't know if it's true but it would be worth checking out with all of the material that you seem to have. :)

  2. Hmmm...You mean I might be able to make money off of these traumatizing mommy moments. I'll be looking into that! =)

  3. Oh my goodness, that is just too funny!