I've been accused of not showing my feelings and keeping things to myself. I'm not denying that it's true. I'm not really that way naturally, but I think you become that way when you work at a church. Our friends, our church life, our job - it's all the same. Our whole life is built around the same people. I could never say anything bad about my husband (not that I have anything to say - it's just hypothetical) because that would reflect badly on him as a pastor. And I could certainly never be less than the perfect Proverbs 31 wife and mother because, good grief, we're on staff at a church. We have had people who don't want to get to know us and be our friends because we're pastors. I guess that makes us not real people or something. It's a lonely place sometimes.
The point of this post was just to try to open up a little. I was hurt tonight. Not by anyone who would be reading this, but I still won't go into any details. I'm a nice person. I try to be sweet. It's almost more than I can handle when I've done something that makes someone unhappy or when someone is offended by me. A harsh word stays with me for a very long time and it tends to take a great toll on my peacefulness. I know this is a flaw and I've tried to get over it. In the almost 7 years we've worked at our church I think I've come a long way. John learned long ago not to tell me lots of things because I can't handle it. That's helped a lot, I'm sure. But again, tonight, I sat and cried because someone is unhappy with me. I went over again and again my part in the situation and I can honestly say that I didn't do anything wrong. In fact, an older and wiser person in authority even gave their approval over it. But it still offended someone and now my sleep will be greatly troubled. I've apologized and tried my best to smooth things over. Hopefully it's enough.
So there you go. A look into the deeper part of La. This only scratches the surface of the things I do not and will not say. I bet you miss the old, more distant me.
As someone who offends people regularly, I will say that the more you do it, the less it hurts. (Not much consolation, I know.) One thing that you need to remember when dealing with this "flaw" (your word, not mine) is that in a relationship... if you don't take a risk, you will never gain anything of value. I like it when you open up. I think I have known you better than most. So I speak on that authority when I say that the more open you are with me, the more I like you.
ReplyDeleteDitto. As a people pleaser myself, I felt that no matter what I did - I would never please everyone all the time... What a relief it was to finally realize that when you mess up "BIG TIME" (like I have) - you start to realize how very not superhuman you are. No one's perfect. As long as you hang around folks like me, you'll always look good! ;)
ReplyDeleteOn a more serious note:
I do not know anyone who tries as hard as you do to monitor the things that come from your mouth and the way things may be taken by others. I don't know what happened but whatever it was, I know you did your part to keep it from being offensive in any way. You are a great pastor's wife - but more than that, you are a terrific person. I don't think you should feel badly about anything. Period.
You are true. Honest. And anyone who is fortunate enough to really know you is blessed.
As someone who has your life to look forward to. I have been incredibly scared of this aspect of the ministry. I am a person who can easily offend and not even know it. So I could see myself clamming up.
ReplyDeleteI think it is a balancing act. I agree with kablot spot, sometimes its worth taking the risk. Being an open book to others really allows them to relate to you. At the same time I would probably open up more about things we have already come out of. More so than things we are currently going through.
I will admit that I was intimidated by you when we first came here. Probably because you seemed to have it soooo together. I have to tell you. I couldn't relate. My life is anything but that. As you have opened up, I have really enjoyed getting to know you on a more 'real' level.
Shake it off. You will offend somebody no matter what you do. Unless you don't put yourself out there. In which case it sounds like someone will still get offended. lol
Hello there! It's Cassandra Sagan. (It's actually Cassandra Webb now). Remember me? Of course you do! ;o) I stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago. (I hope that's ok). This blog made me sad. Not because you "opened up," but because I whole-heartedly agree with all the previous comments. How dare anyone make you cry!
ReplyDeleteYou were so wonderful to me during my time in San Angelo and at First Assembly. You have such a beautiful heart and such patience. You embody everything I wish I could be. Seriously.
I just wanted you to know that. I think you're great.
i know your pain, la. i don't know the exactness of this situation, but i do know how it feels to keep your life from being an open book. it's just too much vulnerability. there are too many people just looking for something to harp on. but there are a lot that aren't, like your friends here.
ReplyDeletei am sorry that you had such a bad situation. i do know that people usually take things out of context and out of proportion and then later, get over it.
whatever happens, i pray that this situation is resolved and you know that you are truly loved for who you are. i love you dear pastor's wife, for who you are and what you deal with.
I'm sorry to say that being in the ministy is "life in a fish bowl" - sometimes, literally! I know that I have offended more people than I've gotten saved by being an open book. Some think I'm too open. Some think I'm not open enough. I say, "If you don't like the book, then stop reading it". As a pastor's wife,myself,I've realized that you will NEVER, EVER be able to please all the people all the time. They're just too fickle. So my advice would be: Please God, your husband,& your children...and even sometimes you'll end up offending them at some point. ;) So all in all, consider the source and then give it God. And the HOly Spirit will convict you, whether it's your fault or not. That's just life as a Christian. Persecution comes with it...even from the inside.
ReplyDeletePS - I like you just the way God made you! You're softness inspires me and I strive to be more like you. :) luv ya la!
- A
this is the hardest life ever. I lived the first half of my adult life in the secular world and the next half here, in this glass house. Friends are few. But enjoy the ones you get like all these sweet girls. There wil always be something said. I take it very personally as well. But it will get easier. I have done my share of offending and I have been offended even more, but that doesn't matter because we as pastors have no feelings. But the hurt will, over time, not hang around as long. You'll brush yourself off, learn from it what you can, and hold your head up, love them in Christ and march on.
ReplyDeleteBut for now...
Let me at 'em.
It wasn't me, was it?
Well, if it was, I'm sorry...I didn't mean it, I promise!
don't make me come down there and have to get up in somebody's business!
ReplyDeleteAs the "older blogger" and also the "new kid on the street" let me tell you something I always told my boys when they would be hurt by something someone said. ALWAYS CONSIDER THE SOURCE! Maybe the person was not feeling well; maybe it was a bad day for them; maybe they didn't mean the words to come out as they did. The more you grow in the Lord, the more you don't feel the hurts - I think your hide becomes really tough. You have Jesus to run too, and He'll always comfort you and put salve in your wounds! I don't know you well, but I love you!
ReplyDeleteoh i am so sorry that you were hurt. i think you have done so many wonderful things for our church. too many to mention. i am grateful for you. and yes it is hard to be an open book, even for someone like me who is open to everyone. you never know who is going to accept you and who is going to reject you. and it devastatingly hurts when you are rejected by someone you trusted.
ReplyDeletebut as one very wise friend has told me, everything is a season. every season comes and every season goes. don't let the enemy make a necklace of this to hang around your neck. whatsoever things are lovely, true, of virtue, good report,.... think on these things.
please remember that you are highly valued and treasured in this church and more importantly in this circle of friends.
you have so richly blessed hannah. i will forever be in your debt.
Oh, I am so sorry that this happened. I too hate the feeling I get when I have said or done something that makes others unhappy. It is almost a fault of mine, I think. I think you are one of the sweetest, most dedicated everything I have ever known but are so humble and gracious about it. That is an incredibly hard thing to do. I hope that you have found some peace in this situation now that time has passed.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know that I get hurt from people and I with draw inside and hide. This has cause a lot of security problems which I have talked about already. But you are the best friends and I believe that no one would hurt you on purpose!! And if they did something else must be wrong that only God can take care of!!!
ReplyDelete