Thursday, October 16, 2008

Coolest Walmart Checker EVER

Since you can't see me rolling my eyes or hear the sarcasm dripping off those title words, just know that this was absolutely not the coolest checker ever. I've had my share of weird/bad/slow/dumb/annoying/scary/he-she/rude checkers, but this encounter shot right up to the top of the list. (Well, except for maybe the bag lady checker back in SA. I'm not sure you can beat that one. That was just soooo annoying.)

John was crawling up in the attic installing lights and he said he wouldn't need my help for about 30 minutes. So, being quite optimistic about the time involved in even a "quick" Walmart trip, I headed down the road to pick up just a few things. (hahaha - does anyone ever leave with just a few???) I was actually doing ok on time and found a short line (relatively short anyway). I hadn't been there too long when I realized that I had indeed managed to find the slowest moving line in the store. And it didn't take long for me to figure out the reason for the slowness - the checker.

This checker talked and talked and talked. And talked some more. And being that he was a man, of course he couldn't scan things and talk at the same time. So he would just stand there holding something as he talked. And then when he did scan something he would meticulously put it in the bag. All clothing he took the time to neatly fold as if it was about to be photographed.

I could see the clock in the background behind him and I could sense John's growing frustration even from miles down the road. I warned the people behind me to find a different line and they were smart enough to listen. But me? I figured I was better off to stick it out than to try changing lines at this point.

When it was finally my turn, I didn't really want to say hello lest he thought I wanted to have conversation. (Just for the record, I like conversation and I'm usually very friendly and talkative to cashiers. But I just didn't want to get this guy started.) I opted to not be rude though and offered up a quick hello. It was as I had feared. He now thought I wanted to be his best friend.

When he came to my 2 gallons of milk and the formula he asked if I had WIC. I told him I didn't and he said that was too bad because all this stuff was so expensive. I agreed.

He continued to say that when his wife had a baby one day that he was going to tell her she needed to breastfeed because that was so much cheaper. He asked me why I didn't breastfeed. (Just so you can visualize this guy, he was about 20 years old and very hippy looking.)

I told him that sometimes it just doesn't work out. I was trying to be vague as I didn't particularly want to have such a conversation with a man I didn't even know.

He couldn't leave it alone though. What do you mean "sometimes it doesn't work out"?

Sigh. Sometimes a mother just doesn't make enough milk for the baby, that's all.

Ohhhh! When my mom had my little brother she made so much milk that when he got older she had to go get her milk stopped. (whatever that means.) See, you need to be on WIC so you can get all the milk and other things so your body has the uh, uh, nutri-, uh, uh, nutrition, uh, uh, nutrients it needs to make lots of good breast milk. Yeah, you should totally be on WIC.

This guy should so be the WIC representative......

And I take it back. Now that I've relived the experience, this cashier definitely takes the cake. Any man cashier who repeatedly uses the word "breast", "breast milk", and "breastfeeding" just has to take the cake. Don't ya think?


  1. Thanks for posting this. So funny.

    You should have been like, hey buddy, don't you know that on child 1-3 I was the breastfeeding queen. Do you have 4 kids? No. I didn't think so;)

  2. ROFL!!!
    and I thought I was the only one to have "weird" people conversations!

  3. OGM (thanks for the new phrase, marme) I am laughing so hard at this mental picture! Thanks for the laugh!